This week, we’re breaking away from our normal QB Index formatting to present our ranking of all 32 starting signal-callers in haiku form. Why? Here’s a better question: Why not? Let’s go.
NOTE: Up/down arrows illustrate movement from the Week 6 QB Index. Rankings reflect each quarterback’s standing heading into Week 7.
2022 stats: 6 games | 66.9 pct | 1,980 pass yds | 8.3 ypa | 17 pass TD | 4 INT | 257 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 5 fumbles
Arching over a
Into full wonder
2022 stats: 6 games | 65.9 pct | 1,736 pass yds | 7.6 ypa | 17 pass TD | 4 INT | 113 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 1 fumble
If only my side
Wasn’t penalized
2022 stats: 6 games | 66.8 pct | 1,514 pass yds | 8.2 ypa | 6 pass TD | 2 INT | 293 rush yds | 6 rush TD | 3 fumbles
They built a statue
For Foles. Four months away from
A Jalen carving?
2022 stats: 6 games | 61.9 pct | 1,277 pass yds | 7.1 ypa | 13 pass TD | 6 INT | 451 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 3 fumbles
Betwixt the G-Men
I rumbled and roamed until
2022 stats: 6 games | 66.1 pct | 1,716 pass yds | 6.7 ypa | 10 pass TD | 3 INT | 26 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 1 fumble
Human tornado
Trapped inside hyper-milquetoast
Bolts offensive scheme
2022 stats: 6 games | 67.2 pct | 1,652 pass yds | 6.7 ypa | 8 pass TD | 1 INT | -7 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 3 fumbles
Brady on edge. Red
Faced inside a drab field goal
Offense. Can’t blame Bruce
2022 stats: 6 games | 73.4 pct | 1,502 pass yds | 8 ypa | 9 pass TD | 2 INT |125 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 2 fumbles
The author of this
Column giggled at me in
August. Now he’s hushed
2022 stats: 6 games | 66.7 pct | 1,616 pass yds | 7.1 ypa | 12 pass TD | 5 INT | 110 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 3 fumbles
Flip the switch, Bengals vibe as
AFC heavies
2022 stats: 6 games | 67 pct | 1,403 pass yds | 6.7 ypa | 9 pass TD | 3 INT | 9 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 5 fumbles
Agitated. Peeved.
Wait, is that New York Jets guy
2022 stats: 6 games | 66.2 pct | 1,502 pass yds | 6.6 ypa | 9 pass TD | 5 INT | 18 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 1 fumble
His name: Mr. Tease
White-hot quarters mixed with long
Stretches of deep sleep
2022 stats: 6 games | 65.1 pct | 1,463 pass yds | 5.8 ypa | 6 pass TD | 4 INT | 233 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 4 fumbles
“Rookie year, that is
probably the last time [bad
word] has felt this hard”
2022 stats: 5 games | 61.4 pct | 1,279 pass yds | 7 ypa | 8 pass TD | 4 INT | 69 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 2 fumbles
Earthlings: Prepare for
Run-heavy uprising with
Carr at motherboard
2022 stats: 6 games | 71.1 pct | 1,576 pass yds | 7 ypa | 6 pass TD | 8 INT | 7 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 4 fumbles
AT&T ads
Should be fewer. Pick-sixes
Should be fewer, too
2022 stats: 5 games | 59.7 pct | 1,355 pass yds | 7.3 ypa | 11 pass TD | 4 INT | 23 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 2 fumbles
Oft-adequate Goff
Lucky there are not thirty
Other Belichicks
2022 stats: 6 games | 67.3 pct | 1,021 pass yds | 6.4 ypa | 5 pass TD | 2 INT | 236 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 2 fumbles
Operating as
A Saquon Handoff Robot
Who does just enough
2022 stats: 6 games | 61.3 pct | 1,055 pass yds | 7.7 ypa | 6 pass TD | 4 INT | 206 rush yds | 3 rush TD | 7 fumbles
I flung a TD
To Kyle Pitts. Time to chill
Fantasy nimrods
2022 stats: 3 games | 63.1 pct | 585 pass yds | 7 ypa | 3 pass TD | 1 INT | 7 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 1 fumble
Glowing Red Ginger
Man: Basic skillz, achy back.
Attention: Taysom
2022 stats: 6 games | 65.5 pct | 1,397 pass yds | 6.9 ypa | 9 pass TD | 4 INT | 81 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 4 fumbles
Is there a franchise
Hero beyond the flowing
Locks and hot/cold act?
2022 stats: 6 games | 58.6 pct | 1,442 pass yds | 7.3 ypa | 5 pass TD | 3 INT | 96 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 1 fumble
Fifteen depressing
Yards after halftime is not
What Denver paid for
2022 stats: 6 games | 67.2 pct | 1,765 pass yds | 7 ypa | 8 pass TD | 7 INT | 9 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 11 fumbles
Sad autumn brighter
After Matty Ice hurls a
Wild fifty-eight throws
2022 stats: 6 games | 62.1 pct | 1,489 pass yds | 6.4 ypa | 10 pass TD | 6 INT | 79 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 6 fumbles
Bum digit delays
Wentz quest to, you know, really
2022 stats: 3 games | 66.3 pct | 514 pass yds | 6.2 ypa | 1 pass TD | 4 INT | 41 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 1 fumble
But Kenny’s tape tells tales of
Hope when not concussed
2022 stats: 6 games | 60.2 pct | 1,326 pass yds | 6.4 ypa | 6 pass TD | 5 INT | 112 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 2 fumbles
Jacoby passes
Forty-five times. Chubb carries
Twelve. Pats explode Browns
2022 stats: 3 games | 56 pct | 572 pass yds | 7.6 ypa | 1 pass TD | 2 INT | 18 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 0 fumbles
The boy who will lead
The Baby Jets to playoff
Glory come winter
2022 stats: 3 games | 72.9 pct | 596 pass yds | 8.5 ypa | 4 pass TD | 1 INT | 1 rush yd | 0 rush TD | 3 fumbles
Belichickian
Wonderboy laughs at inane
And lost Browns defense
2022 stats: 6 games | 57.7 pct | 1,020 pass yds | 6.5 ypa | 5 pass TD | 3 INT | 6 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 2 fumbles
Time for Jerrah to
Leave a suitcase full of green
Bills in my locker
2022 stats: 5 games | 62.7 pct | 1,048 pass yds | 6.3 ypa | 5 pass TD | 4 INT | 2 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 4 fumbles
Mills’ big audition
Falling flat. Caserio’s
Wandering eye glows
2022 stats: 2 games | 68.2 pct | 120 pass yds | 5.4 ypa | 0 pass TD | 0 INT | -1 rush yd | 0 rush TD | 0 fumbles
Gnarliest job in
Charlotte. Will Walker be stripped
Of McCaffrey, too?
The Air Index presented by FedEx ranks NFL quarterback performances all season long. Check out the weekly FedEx Air NFL Players of the Week and cast your vote after Sunday Night Football.
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